


Science and Radio Voices

by rvclary



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec!Carlos, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Welcome to Night Vale Setting, Background Clary Fray/Isabelle Lightwood, Background Maia Roberts/Jace Wayland, Background Simon Lewis/Raphael Santiago, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Magnus!Cecil, Malec AU, POV Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-02-22 21:28:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13175556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rvclary/pseuds/rvclary
Summary: Alec Lightwood is a human scientist who arrives in Night Vale to study, as he describes, the most scientifically interesting community in the U.S. His arrival is introduced to Night Vale by Magnus Bane, the voice of the Night Vale Community Radio and the man who fell in love as soon as Alec grinned.Please read the note!





	1. New Man in Town

**Author's Note:**

> Most of the plot mentioned in the chapters comes from Welcome to Night Vale itself so for any quotes of the news or plot mentioned keep in mind that it comes from the podcast written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor. So some quotes and all plot mentions comes from the podcast and if you would like to listen and support the podcast that would be amazing! I will change some parts to give us more Malec scenes while including scenes with other ships which I wouldn't be able if I kept following the podcast. I hope you enjoy it.

A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Hello, listeners.

There has been an announcement by the City Council that we will be inaugurating a new Dog Park near the popular grocery store, Ralphs, where our dear Raphael sells food even though he doesn't eat it because he is obviously a vampire. We would like to remind that nobody, including dogs, is allowed in the park. Why you ask? There is an electrified and highly dangerous fence on its surroundings. And it is possible that you will see Hooded Figures inside.

**Do not approach them. Do not look at them for a long period of time. Do not approach the dog park. It will not harm you.**

Clary Fray says the Angels revealed themselves to her, mentioning that they were incredibly beautiful and that one was black. Ten feet tall radiant angels were helping around the house with some household chores. She’s offering to sell the old light bulb that one changed, which has been touched by an Angel. It was the black Angel, if that sweetens the pot for anyone. If you’re interested, you can ask the new girl in town who was last saw hanging out with Clary and the Angels.

Speaking of her, there are two brand new people in town. A pair of two perfect siblings with pitch black hair and beautiful eyes. What do they want from us? What did they came to do here with her fabulous five-inch heels and his perfect and beautiful coat? The oldest, Alexander, says he is a scientist. Well… we have all been scientists at one point or another in our lives. But why now? Why here? I personally find all those breakers and humming electrical instruments placed in the lab he's renting - the one next to Big Rico's Pizza? - quite suspicious. Ah! No one does a slide like Big Rico.  **No one.**

All the parents out there: let’s talk about safety when taking your children out to play on the playground and the sand wastes. Hydrate those tiny people, or big no judgment here on your kids' s height, and keep an eye on the helicopter colors in the sky.

Are the unmarked helicopters circling the area black? Probably World Government. Not a good area for play that day.

Are they blue? That’s the Sheriff’s Secret Police. They’ll keep a good eye on your kids, and hardly ever take one.

Are they painted with complex murals depicting birds of prey diving? No one knows what those helicopters are, or what they want. Do not play in the area. Return to your home and lock the doors until a Sheriff’s Secret Policeman leaves a carnation on your porch to indicate that the danger has passed. Cover your ears to blot out the screams.

Also remember: Gatorade is basically soda, so give your kids plain old water and maybe some orange slices when they play.

Oooh! I bring interesting news listeners. Alec the scientist called a town meeting. He is tall and fit, with stunning blue eyes. His hair is perfect.

Alexander told us that we are by far the most scientifically interesting community in the U.S., and he had come to study just what is going on around here while also bringing his sister. _He grinned, and everything about him was perfect, and I fell in love instantly._

There were Government agents watching in the back of the crowd, I fear for Alec. I fear for Night Vale. I fear for anyone caught between what they know and what they don’t yet know that they don’t know. 

It was seen lights passing above Arby's that wasn't its glowing sign. We know the difference. We’ve caught on to their game. We understand the “lights above Arby's” game. Invaders from another world. Ladies and gentlemen, the future is here, and it’s about 100 feet above the Arby's.

Alec and the scientists of our precious town are already working together at the monitoring station near Route 800. They told us their seismic monitors have been indicating wild seismic shifts. Alexander says that they’ve double-checked the monitors and they are in perfect working order. To put it plainly, there appears to be catastrophic earthquakes happening right here in Night Vale that absolutely no one can feel. But that looks like a perfectly fine idea. Silly him.

And now, the weather.

[ [These And More Than This by Joseph Fink](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdzSQIejRQM) ]

Welcome back, listeners.

Happily, the scientists have reported more scientific information, I've been loving listening to Alexander's voice over the phone. But talking about the information, the sun didn't set at the correct time today. We asked if they were certain and they have confirmed us that it was checked in seven different clocks and it was definitely late. They didn't have an explanation for this phenomenon. Still, we must be thankful for the sun, no matter being impolitely late. The next time the sun rises, whatever time that turns out to be, take a moment to feel grateful for all the extreme heat that our desert community is gifted with.

Simon Lewis sent us a message implying that he has found the entrance to a vast underground city in the area of Lane 5. He said he has not yet ventured into it; merely peered down at its strange spires and broad avenues. He also reports voices of a distant crowd in the depths of that subterranean metropolis. Apparently, the entrance was discovered when a bowling ball accidentally rolled into it, clattering down to the city below with sounds that echoed for miles across the impossibly huge cavern.

So, you know, whatever population that city has, they know about us now, and we might be hearing from them very soon.

Alec, perfect and beautiful, came into our studios during the break earlier but declined to stay for an interview. Shame. He brought mysterious boxes that he claims that it is for testing our place for "material". He seemed nervous and told us to evacuate but then who would be there to talk sweetly with all of you? I really couldn't leave you behind with no one to bring you fresh news. It would be highly unprofessional of me.

It's such a lovely night in our town. I hope all of you out there have someone to sleep through it with. Or, at least, good memories of when you did.

Goodnight, listeners. Goodnight.


	2. Mighty Glow Clouds and Haircuts

The desert seems vast, even endless, and yet scientists tell us that somewhere, even now, there is snow.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Hello, listeners.

A mystical and peculiar glowing cloud has been moving in from the west. Apparently, it changes colors, perhaps changing from person to person. One death has already been attributed to the Glow Cloud. But listen, it's probably nothing. If we had to shut down the town for every mysterious event that at least one death could be attributed to, we'd never have time to do anything, right?

That's what the Sheriff's Secret Police are saying, and I agree. Although, I would not go so far as to endorse their suggestion to run directly at the cloud, shrieking and waving your arms, just to see what it does.

Simon Lewis was seen today buying food at Ralphs which smells a little bit suspicious since, like Raphael, he is a vampire. Some commented that he was buying ingredients to make a soup for Raphael's sister while others believe he was there to discuss important matters with Raphie. Either way, both options include Raph and I couldn't ship it more. They were both wearing matching outfits and our dear Catarina couldn't stop smiling because Raphael is turning soft.

And now, a message from our sponsors.

> I took a walk on the cool sand dunes, brittle grass overgrown, and above me in the night sky, above me, I saw. Bitter taste of unripe peaches and a smell I could not place nor could I escape. I remembered other times that I could not escape. I remembered other smells. The moon slunk like a wounded animal. The world spun like it had lost control. Concentrate only on breathing, and let go of ideas you had about nutrition and alarm clocks. I took a walk on the cool sand dunes, brittle grass overgrown, and above me in the night sky, above me, I saw.

This message was brought to you by Coca-Cola

Listeners, I am not one to gossip even if it is a local celebrity, but Alexander made me not follow my own rule. It's a sad day here in Night Vale for all of us. We were deprived of appreciating his perfect hair. Please explain to me why Alec would strip way any part of his hair. And who would be the barber that would agree to commit such crime? Who takes mere money into destroying the joy of our community of the simplest important act as luridly admiring Alec’s stunning coif?

Reports from two intrepid sources are that it was Telly the Barber. Telly, who likes sports and has posters of combs. Telly the Barber seems to be the one who betrayed our community.

 Telly the Barber.

It is Telly the Barber at the corner of Southwest 5th Street and Old Musk Road, with the red and white spinning pole and the sign that says, "Telly’s.” Telly the Barber cut Alec’s beautiful hair. According to reports.

_Telly_.

This is probably nothing listeners, but John Peters – you know, the farmer – reports that the Glow Cloud is directly over Old Town Night Vale, and appears to be raining small creatures upon the earth. Armadillos, lizards, a few crows – that kind of thing. Fortunately, the animals appear to be dead already so the Night Vale Animal Control Department has said that it should be a snap to clean those up.

Oh! Before I forget - I would like to remind everyone that Wednesday has been canceled due to a scheduling error.

Back to the Glow Cloud, we got a new call from John Peters - you know, the farmer - saying that the cloud is growing bigger than bigger each minute and some weird lights and humming sounds are coming out of it. The Sheriff's Secret Police have apparently taken to shouting questions at the Glow Cloud, trying to ascertain what exactly it wants. So far, the Glow Cloud has not answered.

The Glow Cloud does not need to converse with us. It does not feel as we tiny humans feel. It has no need for thoughts or feelings of love.

The Glow Cloud simply is.

_**All hail the mighty Glow Cloud.** _

_**All hail.** _

And now, slaves of the Cloud, the Weather.

[ [The Bus is Late by Satellite High](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CXiB5n883I) ]

Sorry, listeners. Not sure what happened in that earlier section of the broadcast – as in, I actually don't remember what happened. Tried to play back the tapes, but they're all blank and smell faintly of vanilla. The Glow Cloud, meanwhile, has moved on. Mhn. Weird.

Two hawk-eyed listeners sent in reports that Alec, our curious scientific visitor, was seen getting his beautiful, beautiful haircut. He was having his gorgeous hair shorn! Cut! Cut short! So very short from his perfectly-shaped brilliant head! His sister Isabelle was again seen with biscuit, Clary, and made no comments about her older brother's new haircut but seemed pleased.

Do you want to know something dear radio audience? Sometimes life doesn't make sense at all. And if I can get a little personal here, that's the essence of life, isn't it? Having amysterious glowing cloud leaving dead animals around your town and having a perfect hair being cut. While they're happening they feel like the only thing that matters, and you can hardly imagine that there's a world out there that might have anything else going on. And like the Glowing Cloud, it moves on. We move on. Like the world did with the fall of Icarus. Our attention moves on without our acknowledgment.  And you are left with nothing but a powerful wonder at the fleeting nature of even the most important things in life – and the faint, but pretty, smell of vanilla.

_Dear listeners, here is a list of things:_

_Emotions you don't understand upon viewing a sunset_

_Lost pets, found_

_Lost pets, unfound_

_A secret lost pet city on the moon_

_Trees that see_

_Restaurants that hear_

A void _that thinks_

_A face half-seen just before falling asleep_

_Trembling hands reaching for desperately needed items_

_Sandwiches_

_Silence when there should be noise_

_Noise when there should be silence_

_Nothing when you want something_

_Something when you thought there was nothing_

_Clear plastic binder sheets_

_Scented dryer sheets_

_Rain coming down in sheets_

_Night_

_Rest_

_Sleep_

_End_

Goodnight, listeners. Goodnight.


	3. Phone Call

Silence is golden. Words are vibrations. Thoughts are magic.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Hello, listeners.

New billboards have appeared all over town, bearing the image of a turkey sandwich and the single word “HARLOT” in large letters. They have caused a lot of confusion among our citizens due to their ambiguous message and to the fact that the entire structure of the billboards materialized overnight in places billboards are not usually constructed. They have been seen in living rooms of local homes in the middle of roads - causing some car accidents - and, in one case, directly through a living dog, who does not appear harmed by the addition to his body, and has carried the entire billboard around town while going about his usual canine business.

The Department of Health and Human Services recently claimed responsibility announcing that it was to promote healthy lives styles and nutrition to children.

We’re receiving several phone calls from listeners, and from the Parks Department, that those flickering lights and unintelligible noises we saw were coming from the Pink Floyd Multimedia Laser Spectacular. I contacted Alec about this, and he said that the situation is even worse than he imagined. But I don't think we should be worried.

Unfortunately, Alec did not mention weekend plans.

We now bring you some medical news: Representatives from the medical insurance community announced this week that major insurance providers would no longer cover government-disseminated illnesses. These ailments were created to control undesirable populations and include: AIDS, most cancers, irritable bowel syndrome, telekinesis, tingling, and any kind of food allergy. Doctors advise that the best way to avoid acquiring any of these conditions is to limit questionable public activities.

In other health news, the Night Vale Council for Commerce reminds you to regularly consume wheat and wheat by-products. By doing so, you are directly supporting the local Night Vale farmer, as well as the local Night Vale commodities conglomerates. Just a little hungry? Try wheat, or a wheat by-product. Dinner? Wheat and/or its by-product. Trying to patch a leaky roof? We have just the thing for you, and we also have its by-products. This is not sponsored.

We asked Alec about his opinions on the subject. Alexander, lovely Alexander, did not comment at all. His response was a few seconds of stammering followed by a sigh and slow head shake. His eyes were distant – distracted, yet beautiful.

I asked him where he got his shirt, you know, fit him so well. He said he would look at his notes and computer models to see if anything was going on.

I don’t know if he listens to me sometimes. It's ok though, I love a challenge.

Listeners, this is important. Alcohol will be necessary since we are in a desperate moment of need to forget my recent news.

An update on our previous message about wheat and wheat by-products. You should not eat wheat or wheat by-products, say, several frantic scientists, waving clipboards in our studio. It seems that wheat and wheat by-products have turned into venomous snakes and are officially illegal in our town.

Wait - what did you say Cat? - listeners, it seems like they are no longer serpents. They have transformed into a particularly evil and destructive form of spirit that are capable of physically moving objects up to 200 pounds and entering human souls of up to Soul Strength Four. I hope none of you are dead. Everyone else should head immediately to the Wheat and Wheat By-Products Shelter that has been sitting unused for decades under the public library.

May you all be safe. May you all be well. May you be strong and flexible with ruddy cheeks and legs like tree trunks.

And now, the weather.

[ [Cigarette Burns Forever by Adam Green](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfNzzOyatmI) ]

Listeners, guess who called me this weekend. Well, hey, I don’t like to talk too much about my personal life here. This is your community news station, not Cecil’s Personal Life Station, right? Okay, fine. I’ll just say it:

♫ Alexander! ♫

Well, I gave him my home phone number quite a while back, and he never called, and I didn’t think anything of it, right? I mean, sometimes people just don’t call, and that’s okay. I was not going to let myself, Magnus Bane, be upset by it. But back to the point:

He calls and I’m like, “Hello?” Like I don’t even have caller ID!

And he’s like “I need to talk to you. This is important.”

And I’m like, “Umm, OK.” I mean, that’s pretty forward, right, listeners? But I can’t tell exactly what he wants yet.

And he said “Magnus.” Just the sound of his voice! “Magnus, Magnus. I think time is slowing down in Night Vale.” And he had all my attention. “Last week: seven days, 24 hours each day, 60 minutes in each hour. That’s 10,080 minutes in a week, right?”

“Uh huh? Go on…” I said, trying to sound like someone with a normal pulse whose palms were not sweating.

“Well, I ran some figures, and during that same amount of time in Night Vale, 11,783 minutes elapsed everywhere else in the world. That’s more than a full day longer. I don’t know what’s happening.”

So that’s what Alexander said! Listeners, what do you think? I feel like time always slows down when we’re together, Alec and I. Is that what he’s trying to say? I feel that way too! But I didn’t say it, I just said, oh, this is bad… I just said, “Neat!”

Ugh! How embarrassing!

I mean, he is so smart, and he says so many smart things! And I’m not dumb! I like science and municipally-approved books just as much as the guy next door, so I can’t believe that’s all I could say to him.

“Neat!”

But…I did manage to ask if he wanted to see each other alone sometime, and talk some more about this oh! so fascinating subject. He said no…but he needed me to help get the word out and see if anyone has noticed a massive time-shift, so that’s what I’m doing now. Anything for the scientific community; I’m very into science these days!

Wow! Can you believe he called me? Anyways as I said if any of you notices anything please contact our dear scientist. They will be very glad with all the help.

Teddy Williams, over at the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex, has sent us the news about a doorway into that vast, underground city he found in the pin retrieval area of Lane Five. He says that every window of the city is now glowing both day and night. And he heard the shouts and footsteps of what sounds like an army marching upwards toward the world above. He also said that, given that nothing really matters now, bowling is half-off and each game comes with a free basket of wings.

Mmm, nothing like those Desert Flower wings!

Listeners, I can hardly stand it any longer! During the past few stories, my phone has been silently buzzing. You guessed who! I did obviously answer any calls as I'm obviously a professional but he left me some voicemails. This may be odd but I need your help, to determine where Alec is going with all of this. Let’s listen to these together, okay? What do you think he’s trying to say?

First saved message: Magnus, sorry to bother you. I need you to let everyone know that the clocks in Night Vale are not real. I have not found a single one. No gears, no crystal, no battery or power source. Some of them actually contain a gelatinous gray lump that seems to be growing hair… and teeth. I need to know if all clocks are this way, Magnus. This is ver–

There’s something at my door, Magnus. I need to go, okay? I’ll call you back in… well, I don’t know.

End of message.

Next message:

There’s a man in a jacket holding a leather suitcase outside my door, Magnus. He’s not knocking, he’s just standing in front of my door. I can’t make out his face. I’m peering through a crack in the living room blinds – Oh no, he saw me!

End of message.

Next message:

Sorry about that, Magnus. I forget what I was doing. I think somebody came over…but I don’t remember who or what for. Anyway, I need to meet you. Are you free tomorrow afternoon? You have a contact number for the mayor and someone with the police, right? It’s important that I find them. And again, can you get the word out on your radio show about the clocks?

End of message.

And when you were hearing those messages we had another phone call and we have a date! It's just coffee, I want to keep it classy.

Alec did want me to ask if anyone has ever actually seen the Night Vale Clock Tower. I told him that it was invisible, and always teleporting, and that’s why he can’t ever see it. I mean, that seems sort of obvious.

I'm so excited. Thank you for listening and helping, Night Vale! May you, too, find love in this dark desert. May it be as permanent as the blinking lights, and as comforting as the dull roar of space.

Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.


	4. Alternative Universe Doubles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for those who have been reading. I know the concept of Night Vale is weird for those who don't listen to the podcast so it means a lot that some people still took the time to read this fanfic.
> 
> Before you read this episode I must explain a little bit about Desert Fluffs. Desert Fluffs is a parallel universe to Night Vale but also kinda like their neighbors; it is based on positive thinking and everything they do is about their governed, StrexCorp Synernists Incorporated. Carlos (the character I turned into Alec) doesn't have a double in Desert Fluffs yet the fandom created our own character, Diego, and I adore him and the idea I have of him and Kevin (Kevin being Cecil's double in Night Vale; Magnus here is Cecil) so I had to add Diego here as well. Sorry if even this explanation is confusing. Just know that there are parallel universes added to this chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Later.

Blinking red lights in the night sky. The future is changing, but it’s hard to tell.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Hello, listeners.

The City Council announced moments ago that a sandstorm will be arriving in Night Vale in just a few minutes. They apologize that they did not announce this sooner, but they just kind of let their morning slip away from them.

“You know how it is,” they said in unison. “You think, ‘Oh, we should announce this dangerous sandstorm. That’s priority one.’ But then you have to get some coffee, and you run into your coworker friends and say hello to everyone, and then you check your email, and maybe a glance at Instagram, then Twitter… and you just lose track of time. You know…” they concluded.

The sandstorm is projected to be one of the worsts we've ever had in decades and everyone is worried.

Meteorologists then warned that raccoons are actually pretty dangerous animals despite how adorable they seem, and never, ever feed baby raccoons, because the mother raccoon will definitely attack you. Probably not a fun experience.

“Have you ever had rabies shots? Oh, it is the worst,” the meteorologists continued as the press corps got restless and hoped that the meteorologists would just shut up soon. “God, meteorologists just don’t know when to stop!” the entire press corps moaned.

So, take cover, Night Vale. Hide in your homes and offices, and pretend that mere walls are enough to protect you from nature’s might and life’s brevity and meaninglessness. We do not have news about our desert neighbors but we will keep everyone updated.

Now, about my date will Alexander: Like I said it wasn't anything big, nor official. We went to grab coffee and talked. He was probably the most awkward person I've had the pleasure to meet and it was absolutely adorable. I found that our favorite scientist - sorry to all the other scientist in Night Vale, your work is very appreciated - starts rambling about scientific facts when nervous and I couldn't keep such important information away from you guys.

I will have to ask your help again, he is so hard to read.

Every time he started talking about science and all the things he found out about our town he would blush and hide his perfect face. I think he was nervous. What do you think? Is he interested? I hope he is.

Ugh. I bring bad bad news everyone. We got an email... _from Lorenzo_. I don’t even want to read an email from that jerk but I have to be a professional.

Lorenzo– ugh! Lorenzo writes: “The sandstorm is clearly a cover-up. I believe this was a government-created project. Our government has long been participating in cloud-seeding experiments and trying to suppress the people with pharmaceuticals. I believe that this government will stop at nothing in order to–”

Now you listen here, Lorenzo!

You’re not saying anything new, Lorenzo. Of course the sandstorm was created by the government! The City Council announced that this morning! The government makes no secret that they can control the weather, and earthquakes, and monitor thoughts and activities. That’s the stuff a big government is supposed to do! Obviously, you have never read the Constitution!

And with that, dear listeners, let’s go to the– …oh, my. Look at that.

Listeners, there is a black – almost indigo – vortex that has formed along my studio wall. Listeners, words fail me. It is so beautiful! I can’t leave you, as our show is not yet over, but…there must be something beyond this something, Night Vale. I must see what it is! I must go! I will try not to be long, listeners. I will try not to be long…

**Hello? Desert Bluffs? What is this studio? I don’t know if you can hear me. Mags here. I don’t’ know where I am. It’s a radio studio, but the walls are darker. The equipment looks much older. Certainly much drier than it should be. The microphone was made…when? Have I gone back in time? I'm looking around and nobody is smiling? Why is nobody smiling?**

**There is a photo here on the desk. It is a man. He is wearing a tie. He is not tall or short, not thin or fat. He has eyes like mine and a nose like mine, and hair like mine, but I do not think he is me. Maybe it is the smile. Is that a smile? I can’t say. I do hope he is safe, whoever – wherever he is. I hope I am safe, wherever – whoever I am.**

**It is night. I think it is night. It is night.**

**Maybe this is another dimension. Either way, I hope everyone is happy and healthy. So now, dear listeners, whoever you are, I give you the weather.**

[ [Eliezer’s Waltz by Disparition](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMrJyY3uNzc) ]

Hello? Night Vale? I told you I would be back. It took longer than I thought, but I have returned from whatever horrible place I have gone.

Along the way, in the vortex, I saw a man. A dangerous devil of a man. And he attacked me! I tried to choke him to death, but a part of me wanted to let him live. So I let that awful beast live. I am sure he is not without his wounds and bruises, and I pity that he must return to that awful, awful place from whence he came and to where I most unfortunately visited.

Those of us, whoever we are, who survived. Those others of us, whoever we are, who conquered. Whoever you are now, you are home. We are home, Night Vale! You and I are together again! My mouth, your ears, we have each other!

And for now, and always, goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.

* * *

**T** **he future is what you make of it! Just know that your supplies are limited.**

**Welcome to Desert Bluffs.**

**Good afternoon, Desert Bluffs!**

**This is Mags, bringing you all your news and good spirits for another gorgeous day in the Bluffs.**

**But before we get too comfortable, there is some news about that gorgeous day. We’re getting word that a sandstorm is moving in toward us. Authorities are telling us that it is a doozy and that we should all stay indoors. Nothing to worry about, just stay out of the way. It will pass. As with life, and as will all things, it will pass. The sun will be upon us again, and it will be like two mornings in a day. Yes! A two-morning day! A rebirth. A reawakening. What do you think of that, Desert Bluffs?**

**To light everyone's days, even more, I want to let you know that my afternoon with Alexander was incredible. I was super nervous and Catarina had to make me change my clothes before living the house because I was not "fashionable" enough. But I was blessed by the Smiling God and Alec said I looked stunning and that he felt the need to punch whoever looked at me for a long period of time. He is such a flirt.**

**During our time he moved closer than whispered dirty things in my ears while "I wanna do bad things to you" was playing in the background. I really want to see where this is going but I don't think he really thinks I do. I'm too shy to show him. Or maybe he does. He is really confident of himself, dear Smiling God... that man is something.**

**Oh my god! Listeners, apparently the storm is bringing our other selfs. How wonderful is that?! Try to find yours and make friends with your mirrored colleague, Desert Bluffs! Think of what we could accomplish if there were two of all of us!**

**And now I will read you an email we got from... Lorenzo! So Lorenzo writes, “This sandstorm is clearly a cover-up. I believe this was a government-created project. Our government has long been participating in cloud-seeding experiments, and–”**

**Let me stop you right there, Lorenzo!**

**You have hit it right on the spot. Say no more! The government is indeed covering up their involvement –or should I say, lack of involvement in this sandstorm. Honestly, I don’t think the government even knows how to orchestrate a project of this magnitude, and of this quality. You need a well-run private business like, say, StrexCorp, that has not only the faculties and materials to execute a massive geologic and psychedelic storm, but to do so inexpensively, and without tax dollars.**

**Thank you for your email, Lorenzo. What a great guy!**

**And with that, listeners, let’s go to– …oh my. Look at that.**

**Listeners, there’s a white, almost pink, vortex that has formed along my studio wall. The words fail me. It is so beautiful! I can’t leave you, as our show is not yet over, but…there must be something beyond this something, Desert Bluffs. I must see what it is! I must go! I will try not to be long, listeners. I will try not to be long…**

Hello? Hello? Night Vale? What is this studio? What is this damnable studio? Night Vale? I do not know if you can hear me. This is Magnus, and I do not know where I am. It is clearly a radio studio, but the walls are covered in blood, and instead of dials and buttons on the soundboard, there is just animal viscera, glistening under the green LED lights. I hope this microphone works. Am I in hell?

If you can hear me please contact the Sheriff’s Secret Police. There is so much blood, it is seeping into my shoes! There are – oh, masters of us all, no! – teeth scattered across the floor. The window into the control booth is shattered and there is a swath of skin and a fistful of long clumping hair hanging from a sharp glass point! I do not know if this is even Night Vale.

There is a photo, a single photo of a man on the desk here. He is wearing a tie. He is not tall or short, not thin or fat. His hair and nose are like mine, but his eyes…his eyes are black as obsidian and his smile– No. It is not a smile! He must be wicked, this man!

Okay. Dear listeners, from this vile, vile place, I leave you to your prison, but before I go, because I am a radio professional and it is sitting right here on this blood-spattered desk, I give you the weather.

**[[Eliezer’s Waltz by Disparition](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMrJyY3uNzc) ] **

**Hello there, Desert Bluffs! It is Mags again. I told you I would be back. I don’t know where I went, but I think that I met my double.**

**The vortex is gone now, but as I was returning, I passed a man. A man who looked just like me. I smiled and said, “Hello there, friend!” I hugged this man, and he hugged me back. We shared a moment in this other world. I am not sure to where that spiral of space and time took me, nor through where I traveled, but I am certain that there must be more to us than just us, and that there is another place, another time, where things could have been different. Better. Worse. But let’s not think on woulds, coulds, and shoulds.**

**I'm just happy we are all alive and full of happiness.**

**And as always, until next time, Desert Bluffs. Until next time.  
**

 


	5. A Few Months or Weeks Later

A friendly desert community where the sun is still hot, the moon still beautiful, and mysterious lights still pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Hello, listeners.

Word is in about a disturbance at the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex. There has been the sound of chanting and machinery from under the pin retrieval area of lane five, and Teddy Williams has changed all the bowlers’ names on the electronic scorecards to “They Are Here!”

This is causing some confusion and has completely ruined Jeremy Godfried’s 50th birthday party – which had rented out a few lanes for the afternoon. Jeremy was last seen drinking a light beer out of a plastic cup, shaking his head sadly as he swished the liquid around, and looking out the window at the sky (mostly void, partially stars).

Teddy Williams was last seen howling, commanding his militia to surround the pin retrieval area and prepare for an attack.

And Alexander – sweet Alec, brave Alec – was last seen approaching the entrance to the Underground City, saying he was going to get to the bottom of this, that someone had to, and that Teddy Williams was deranged.

Teddy Williams was then last seen saying, “Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Say that to my face, big shot!”

But Alec, my poor Alec, was already gone.

Today, outside the bowling alley where we always find Jace Wayland flirting with the cute girl, Maia, The Apache Tracker stood glowering at the entrance and shaking his head. I remind you that this is the white guy who likes to dress in a cartoonish approximation of a Native American, and claims to have “mystical powers.” He’s a real jerk, and no one likes him. Anyway, he’s glowering at the entrance, arms crossed, wearing one of his stupid plastic feather headdresses. Dickhead.

But… back to Alec. Alexander the Scientist. Perfect of stature and shaved, perfect of tone and taut, and time having fixed what the barbarous barber Telly so treacherously snipped away, perfect of hair and now including some tattoos. Especially including that delicious neck tattoo that I day and night dream about... I did not just say that.

A few months. A few months later. Listeners. Listeners! A few months later since two major events in our town’s history.

First, the opening of our lovely state-of-the-art Dog Park (which is forbidden, and which I will not mention again).

Second, and most important, it has been a few months since the arrival of our most beloved and singular citizen. And of the beautiful Isabelle who told me, I was going to lose all my glitter if I didn't mention her name. He came to us to investigate our town. And he stayed because he said, it was scientifically extraordinary, and downright bizarre town. We had no idea what he was talking about, but with his golden voice ringing out from the bell of his mouth, who among us could argue with the content of such perfect speech?

Oh, just some months... or weeks? I can't really remember but when I invited him to the celebration party he seemed a little bit confused. Apparently, people celebrate after a year or two have passed from the event. Isn't that weird? But yes, I invited the town for a small ceremony to mark this occasion. However, it looks like he will be a little... late.

On other news, the local chapter of the NRA is trying to come up with a new slogan. They already have this two ideas:

Guns don’t kill people, blood loss and organ damage does

Guns don’t kill people, people kill guns

A list of things that kill people:

1\. Conceivably, anything

2\. Not guns!

Guns don’t kill people, we either are all immortal souls living temporarily in shelters of earth and meat or guns don't kill people because people kill people with guns

And,

If you say guns kill people one more time, I will shoot you with a gun, and you will, coincidentally, die.

To vote on the new slogan, simply fire a gun at the object or person that best represents your choice.

Parents, let’s talk about safety when taking your children to play out in the Playground and the Sand Wastes. All children in Night Vale are missing this week, so there are no current safety issues. Hope we find ‘em!

Oh, happy day! I have just received word that Alexander returned from the entrance to the city, gesturing to everyone around and asking them to follow him. He leads them into the pin retrieval area, which is not an easy place for a crowd, so there was a lot of crouching and saying “Excuse me. Excuse me!”

Eventually, everyone got to the place including Teddy Williams, and his militia, and the folks that had come for Jeremy’s birthday, and Jeremy himself – still holding his plastic cup of beer and leaning morosely against the wall, pointedly refusing to look where everyone else was.

This was the first time most of them had seen the city. It seemed so distant below them, its strange spires small and far away. The windows in the buildings, alight with the fire of hostile life, were tiny dots from where they stood. They could hear the footsteps of the approaching army, the chanting! Many of them quaked with fear, but not Alexander. My brave Alexander stepped out into the pit, climbing down the slope. At first, onlookers were horrified at his lunatic descent. Then, they were confused…as he got to the city much faster than they expected. And then, there was panic, as their eyes told them a story they could not understand, let alone believe. 

“Behold,” said Alec, standing in the center of the Underground City, “this is not an enormous city mile below the earth. It is a very small city about ten feet below the earth, populated by tiny people, who have had to spend a year slowly climbing the ten feet to our world!" He gestured at the spires, which came up, approximately, to his knees. "We have nothing to fear!”

Well…if Alec says it, I will happily repeat it. We have nothing to fear, and never did!

The City Council would like to remind you to stop believing in Angels. The reminder is that you still should not know anything about this. The structure of Heaven and the Angelic organizational chart are still privileged information. Also, Angels aren’t real.

“I really get tired of having to say this!” a City Council representative exclaimed to a group of disgruntled Angels. “Angels aren’t real They just aren’t!” The Angels became unruly and were dispersed by a thunderclap from Heaven.

Oh no… A truly fearful and awful thing has happened.

Alexander, standing perfectly in the toy-scaled city, was attacked by tiny little people using projectiles and explosives. He fell back to the side of the small hole in the pin, blood welled through his shirt, and here I am, stuck in my booth, useless, only able to narrate and not to help. He staggered, fell to his knees – so much blood! He fainted and did not wake up.

Curse this town, that saw Alec die. Curse me. Curse it all!

Let us take a moment to–

Let us…take this moment–

Ladies and gentlemen, let us mourn the pass–

Can’t. I can’t!

I am still holding this trophy!  I–

We go now to this puh– …pre-recorded public service announcement.

Scientists and science in general would like to remind you that some things exist and some things do not. Usually, you can apply the simple test of seeing if it is there. If it is there, it exists! If not, it probably doesn’t – but it might just be currently existing somewhere else! Existence is tricky but people will easily get used to applying the test and research shows this.

For instance, there is that house in the housing development of Desert Creek out back of the elementary school – the House that Doesn’t Exist. It seems like it exists, like it’s just right there when you look at it, and it’s between two other identical houses, so it would make more sense for it to be there than not. But it does not exist. They have proved this with science. See? we told it was tricky.

The scientists still haven’t gotten up the nerve t-

Listeners! I bring the best news and I know all of you will be delightful with them. Alexander is alright and breathing. Isabelle kicked the Apache Tracker's ass and he ran away from our town very embarrassed

He's ok. He's breathing. He's alive.

Never before in my career as a broadcaster have I gone through such a roller coaster of emotion and fear like this one! I definitely don't want to have to go through all of this ever again! To think, that I had lost the most precious thing to me, the presence of Alec in my life, and then to have it brought back so that I could appreciate it all the more.

Oh shit - oh no no no excuse my language, listeners, but obviously that asshole couldn't just leave us alone, could he?

The mysterious Man in the Tan Jacket, who once saved our town, is here to protect us and to fight for us. He is saving Alec from all of this and for that I'm thankful.

Alec breathes and soon the Apache Tracker will not.

Tell me nothing else, and still, I will tell you: here is a good man. Here is a good man dying. Here it is, the end of a good man’s life. The Apache Tracker spoke, not in a hoarse whisper, but with a clear, ringing voice, addressing the sky hidden behind the styrofoam panels of the ceiling:

“Ладно, ладно. Я знал, это случится. Ты можешь взять мою машину.” Apparently, he lost his ability to speak English and only speaks Russian.

It must have been from Isabelle's butt kick. He said this, and then he died. The Apache Tracker is dead, Teddy Williams confirmed. Jeremy is slumped into a folding chair, kicking his feet and saying, “This is the worst birthday party anyone has ever had.”

Oh! Message on my phone... Alec wants to see me. He says to meet him at the Arby’s parking lot. Um… I am not sure what scientific exploration now needs the services of my radio audience, but I will dutifully go, dutifully meet him.

And as I go, let us all go. Go now, to the weather.

[ [Sunday Morning Stasis by Joseph Fink](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65K0b_27F4U) ]

I arrived at the parking lot only to find Alexander perched on the trunk of his car in black flannel and jeans, his perfect hair mussed, his perfect teeth hidden.

“What is it?” I said. “Wha– what danger are we in? What mystery needs to be explored?”

He shook his head. “Nothing,” he said. “After everything that happened… I just wanted to see you.”

I can feel my hands sweating, muscles teasing and my heart metaphorically performed a number of aerial activities and literally, it began to beat hard. "Oh" I responded, being unable to continue further because my voice was trembling.

He must have thought that we were in a movie, he stared in a cliché way to the setting sun. "Remember the time phenomenon I reported to you?" I don't think it was a question to be answered because he continued talking without giving me time to even respond. "I used to think the sun was setting at the wrong time. And that clocks were real yet working in peculiar ways. But then I realized that time doesn’t work in Night Vale and that none of the clocks are real. Sometimes things seem so strange, or malevolent, and then you find that, underneath, it was something else altogether. Something pure, and innocent.”

“I know what you mean,” I replied.

Somewhere a child is being born while on the other side of the world another is learning how to walk.

Somewhere there are people eating breakfast and others eat dinner. Some are sleeping while others are feeling grumpy because they just woke and have to go to work.

Somewhere, the body of the Apache Tracker lies cold and still.

This all happens somewhere else.

But here, Alec and I sat on the trunk of that car – his car – looking together at the lights up in the sky above the Arby’s… they were beautiful in the hushed shimmering in a night sky already coming alive with bits of the universe.

A few months or weeks. A few months or weeks since he arrived. He put his hand on my knee and said nothing. And I knew what he meant. I felt the same. I leaned my head on his shoulder

We understand the lights, even the lights above the Arby’s. We understand it all.

But the sky behind those lights – mostly void, partially stars? That sky reminds us we don’t understand even more.

Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.


	6. First Dates

Mountains. Endless mountains. Wait- mountains aren't real. What or who is that then?

Welcome to Night Vale. 

Hello listeners.

I bring some news about your own house. Did you know there is a Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives in your house? Well, this isn't a lie. She is there now! She’s always there, just out of your sight. Always just out of your sight.

Because you don't see her, you are completely unaware of her existence. This woman likes to sift through photos of you and your loved ones, softly touching each face, as if wishing it were her own. Or perhaps _claiming_ it as her own. Or perhaps simply cursing that person. It’s hard to say. You’ve never seen her doing this. But then again, she does a lot of things.

You might have never noticed _any_ of those things. You’ve lived your life to this point completely oblivious to this Old Woman Who Has No Face. And truth be told, I think she’s probably harmless otherwise you wouldn't be alive.

I will try to have an interview with her in a few moments but right now I have to move to some exciting news!

As you may remember, a few weeks ago, along with the beginning of a vicious war against us by _tiny_ people, from a _tiny_ underground city, Alexander – the beautiful scientist – finally returned my expressions of affection. And not in a dry scientific way about how it wasn't for personal reasons while adding "I need to tell your radio audience about a strange hole that might appear on their wall.”

Oh yeah, I forgot – there’s a strange hole that might appear on your wall. He said it was important to tell you… especially after what happened in the Smithwick house. I forgot. That was a while back, so I guess it doesn’t matter much now.

But yesterday he called me and started the call with a shaky voice saying "I'm calling for personal reasons". He also said something about a scientific fact he found out about our dear town that I didn't exactly listen since all I could focus on was the fact that he was indeed calling for personal reasons.

He is so sweet. And well…one thing led to another, and last night we went out on our first date.

Alec and I met up in Old Town. I was wearing a lot of glitter, you know, to show that I was and am very interested. He was wearing old jeans and probably one of his two nice shirts - the only two who don't have small holes in it - and his weekend lab coat. He also made an effort to look good - even though he always looks perfect - and that made me really warm inside. Warmer than my warm blood usually is.

Our destination was none other than Gino’s Italian Dining Experience And Grill And Bar – the fanciest restaurant in town. It was a perfect day… other than the strange blot of darkness buzzing on the edge of town. Their menu is somewhat limited after the ban on wheat and wheat by-products, so we each ordered a single portobello mushroom, served rare and bloody (as is Gino’s way).

Simon and Raphael were also there having dinner! When Raphael noticed that I had seen him with his lover boy he blushed, which I didn't think was possible for a vampire. They were on their second date after Simon picked him after his shift at Ralphs. Very very cute, am I right listeners?

"I've been thinking," he said.

"Uh-huh?" I said.

“Yeah, that’s what I’ve been doing lately,” he responded. “Thinking. It’s part of being a scientist. What have you been up to?” And the conversation grew from there. We talked about a lot of just like-

Wait. Hold down.

I just received two voicemails from Raphael and The Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives in your house. Let's listen to them.

"Magnus I was listening to your radio show and I will have to ask you to stop mentioning what is going on between Simon and I. It's private. Besides I bet people don't care that much about who I like or what's happening. Talk to you later."

Well, dear Raphael, people do care. You guys are adorable!  And I can see Simon in our station since he was talking with Catarina before she leaves to go inside the Dog Park - a secret mission people can't know so everyone who is listening will forget I mentioned right now - and he was obviously smiling at me because of what I was talking about. He is really happy to know you like him.

Anyways The Faceless Old Woman says:

_"Magnus thank you for asking me to send something to your radio show. I do have some things to say to the audience: I’m confused. There’s no sense to how you organize the objects in their fridge. I cannot determine any sense of order. What systems do you use to contain your vegetables, your cans, your jars, your food stains? There are stains, organic brown and pink smears that tell the esoteric history of your food. I like the yellowish one near the crisper because I think it is the oldest. It has a topography._

_Although I do not like all these bugs you have in your home, I like some of them. I also changed your sheets. You do not change your sheets enough. I do not think you are unsanitary, but I think you would feel better if you changed your sheets from time to time._

_And time is weird because it doesn’t exist for me in the same way, so your sheets are already covered with your bones and hair and blood, but…not yet. Not really yet._

_I wish you could see me, just cleaning and reorganizing, making sense of the nonsense plants and muscles in your fridge, but you never look. If you would just glance left or right every so often, you’d see me. I’m right next to you, right now. I’m even in the mirrors, but you just stare at yourself, staring only at your over-ripe potato of a face. I’m there in every mirror if you could just look for me in the background behind you._

_Also, what’s your wifi password?"_

I always thought she would have to write down her statement since she doesn't have a mouth but apparently, she doesn't need to. I also didn't know she had a cellphone. We learn new things every day. 

Maybe you should try paying more attention when you’re at home.

Or better yet, destroy all of your mirrors. As my mother used to tell me, "Someone’s going to kill you one day, Magnus, and it will involve a mirror. Mark my words, child!” And then she would stare absently through my eyes until I giggled.

Ah, I miss her so much. Hmm.

Speaking of past events that brought us to speak of current feelings, more from my date soon.

But first, the weather.

[ [Team the Best Team by Doomtree](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm2Uk3z6_f8) ]

Ok so continuing my date story.

After dinner, I drove him back to his lab next to Big Rico’s Pizza. The drive was… difficult, because at this point it seemed that everyone in town but the two of us had hopped onto the ’buzzing shadow entity’ train, and were all loping around as malevolent holes in our reality, emanating an energy that made the hairs on your arm stand and your bowels vibrate. Or maybe that was just the chemistry with Alec I was feeling.

A woman ran at our car, screaming, a few of the shadow people chasing her, but before I could even stop the car, she must have changed her mind because she had already turned into a shadow person herself. It’s like, ugh, run from the shadow people or become one. Make up your mind, lady!

We arrived outside of Big Rico’s, and there was that awkward moment at the end of every date, where you pause outside of the person’s door, and it’s like, ’should I call the City Council and submit the Standard End-of-Date Report or… are you going to?'' And I was wondering if he was going to invite me to his lab to look at all those beakers and humming electrical equipment. But it's normal that he didn't.

"Well." he pointed at his lab, "this is me."

I nodded, not sure if he had already turned to the door to leave the car. He didn't. He was turned to me, looking at me.

“I should probably do something about this ’ _buzzing shadow_ ’ thing,” he commented. “A few experiments, to see if I can save the town.”

“Oh? Do you need any help with that?” I asked.

“No,” he responded. “A scientist is self-reliant. It’s the first thing a scientist is.”

“Oh,” I said again, but softer and sadder – which is when he leaned forward and _kissed_ me. Just once. Just… gently. Just before slipping out of the car and into the lab.

And I never felt so happy.

I guess Alexander managed to find a way to defeat the shadow energy, as everything seems normal today. As normal as things usually are.

Night Vale, my sweet and only Night Vale, may you find love. May you find it _wherever_ it’s been hidden. It can't be hidden forever, we have satellites. And may you find who has been hiding it and **exact revenge upon them!** As the old song goes, love is all you need to destroy your enemies. Finer words were never chanted.

And, with all the love in my loving heart, one that is now full, and with a loving voice in a loving and terrifying world, I wish you,

goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.


	7. Interview with the Vampie

Does it even matter how many living things you touch today? Because I can assure you that playing Animal Crossing Pocket Camp is waaay funnier.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Hello, listeners.

This might come off as a big surprise and even as a shock since the program was abolished 30 years ago. Though parents and teenagers have asked to bring it back on several occasions, the City Council has maintained its position explaining the danger posed by books and librarians and, of course, the incident that precipitated the ban – which the town’s older residents will refer to only as “The Time of Knives.”

Either way, Night Vale’s librarians have banded together in defiance of authority to reinstate Summer Reading. And appealing statements like “ _Get into a good book this summer_ ,” and “ _We are going to force you into a good book this summer_ ,” and “ _You are going to get inside this book, and we are going to close it on you and there is nothing you can do about it_ ” have appeared overnight around the library entrance!

Also, murder has been declared as illegal in all parts of town this morning so the children will be saved. At least we hope so.

The new law was declared by the City Council, being a crime that has, until this point, been handled using informal vigilante squads. The only people allowed to commit murder, for now, are obviously the vampires that have to feed themselves. Their own version will be created soon.

And with this fresh new being published I thought I could bring someone to interview with your own questions, listeners! I asked Raphael, everyone's favorite vampire, to come to our show and answer those questions about his life as a vampire resident of our dear town and about his new romance. Don't tell him about that part.

_"Magnus I'm right here in the studio with you..."_

Great news! He is here! Raphael, I'm sorry if I sound like every interviewer you have ever seen on tv but we are friends and I want to try to be professional.

_"Have you ever thought that maybe not starting the conversation like that will lead to me not thinking of you being like every interviewer I've ever seen?!"_

This is going to be a big chat, won't it? " _Is that the first question of the interview?"_ Raphael, please...

Thank you... So how and when did you become a vampire? And how old are you? "In 1953 there were rumors that a vampire was around our neighborhood in an old zone in Night Vale and I thought it was a good idea to go look at him. He turned me and my brother. I'm 83. Turned at the age of 18." Interesting. Do you remember his name? _"No." Have you ever turned anyone? "No, I would never."_

This might sound a little weird, especially since it's not about you, but do vampires who are born females have their period? Raphael?  _"I have no idea but probably not since our cells are dead."_ That makes sense.

Do you feel offended when little kids dress as a vampire for Halloween? _"Who asked these questions? But to answer, I haven't thought about it. I don't think so?"_

Will you kill to drink?  _"I won't but I bet a lot of people will."_ Will Simon kill?  _"I- no. I bet he won't. No. He won't."_

Speaking of our dearest Simon Lewis... Are you guys official? What's going on?  _"Magnus. We talked about this!"_ I'm sorry. The people are curious.  _"We had a date. I think we are official but I'm not sure. I really like him."_ I really hope he supports you and accepts your sexuality.  _"He does. Dios Mio, Magnus it looks like you don't know him. He is a dork and the sweetest."_

That is adorable! I love your relationship! Thank you for being here. And so, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the weather.

[ [You And I Belong by Simone Felice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmyxGkSEAJM) ]

We’ve received reports that the entrances to the Night Vale Public Library have disappeared and so did the children inside. The children have been described as wild-eyed, feral, some staggering upright, and some running on all fours like animals, caked in effluvia and far more emaciated than the time of their absence would seem to account for…but otherwise, well, healthy, and unharmed before disappearing.

12-year-old Madzie, who is the strongest person I personally know, has decided to search for them and promised to give me updates in all she does. We all gotta love this sweetheart!

Here’s to _you_ , boys and girls, and remember: congratulate Madzie for her courageous attitude and help her if she needs it.

Stay tuned next for our countdown of last words, from “Stop telling me how to drive” all the way to “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.

 


	8. StrexCorp Synernists, Inc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the chapters have been lacking Malec scenes but I have to write about what's going on for the plot. I hope you enjoy either way.

Lonely hearts searching for another when it really should be searching for itself.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Hello, listeners.

Today we start with some health tips. Doctors have asked me to remind you to check your heart at least once a year. Simply separate the skin on your upper chest, and break open the ribs. Here’s a tip: If you don’t have a bone saw handy, just sterilize any old electric saw you might have in your work shed.

Right behind your ribs,  _kind of_  to the left is a potato-shaped muscle lump filled with straw and maybe some insects. That’s your heart! Pull that out and sew your chest back up. Wash your heart in warm water, pat dry with a paper towel, and roll flat on a floured surface. Brown both sides in a sauté pan, and eat immediately.

Remember, a healthy heart is a healthy life!

This has been Community Health Tips.

Everyone has probably noticed the Yellow Helicopters hovering above the town. We are all aware of the Black Helicopters (which are the World Government), and the Blue ones (which are the Secret Police), and the Helicopters that took all the children in Night Vale away a few months ago but… _did_ bring all the children back unharmed, and much more well-behaved than before, so they are deemed just as safe as the other helicopters and about this new Yellow Helicopters, no one quite knows.

Apparently, they have been dropping orange leaflets onto the streets that read:

**StrexCorp Synernists, Inc.  
** **Look around you: Strex**  
 **Look inside you: Strex**  
 **Go to sleep: Strex**  
 **Believe in a Smiling God:**   **StrexCorp**  
**It is _EVERYTHING._**

I'm not quite sure what it means or who StrexCorp are but they seem to be really serious about this since everyone in town has got their own leaflet. I will give you more information as soon as I get it.

Clary says that the Angels who have been living with her – helping around the house and ultimately protecting her from all evils – have disappeared. It’s hard to say just how sad this news is, for two important reasons:

  1. Angels are not real, and
  2. We are not allowed to know about their existence or hierarchical structure.



Biscout called this weekend and spoke to Maia, one of our station intern. She said that the Angels often leave her for a few hours or, on maximum, days…but they’ve never been gone for _weeks_. She thinks that they are off fighting an important war for good, but she’s worried that maybe she just made them mad, or bored.

“Angels get bored very easily,” Clary stated.

Maia told Clary that Angels aren’t real and that we cannot know such things about them. But this, weirdly, made Maia cry, because if you have a moon or sun curse and say such things about Angels, you will start crying.

Maia has been sobbing quite a bit this morning and I actually did not know she had any of those curses. She seems to eat like everybody else so I'm guessing she is a werewolf. I don't understand why she would keep such secret from me but I adore her and will try to accept that she doesn't want to talk about it. And before anyone gets mad at me exposing her situation, Maia did allow me to express what is happening to her on the radio so other werewolves or vampires became aware of this. She is very sweet, isn't she?

Listeners... Alexander just called me to warn me that a man dressed in orange was coming in the direction of the radio stations with a jacket that had StrexCorp written on. And I think he is currently talking with Maia and he seems very angry that Catarina isn't here because as you guys might not remember she went inside the Dog Park to a secret mission that we can't comment about.

He is staring at me. And he is opening the door.

I'm... here is the weather.

[ [Palabras de Papel by Nelson Poblete](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saSbhnbiEJM) ]

Uhh, dear listeners, we  _must_  issue an apology. Those helicopters are completely… safe. Quite safer than safe. In fact, StrexCorp recently bought our little radio station from the mysterious, unseen forces who founded it centuries ago and actually took over the town. Uhh, not take over... they... are helping the town.

The mysterious man's name is Valentine and he is here to supervise what I say. What a charm... or not. He has terrible fashion. What? Don't look at me like that this shouldn't be new news for you, _sir._

I'm glad we are all safe... Clary has asked Maia for all of us to go bowling. Just like the old days. She even mentioned Alec the hot Scientist, that is my  _boyfriend!_ She said she was going to bring Izzy along and that we could all have fun. Maia was shortly upset saying she didn't want to third wheel... well... six wheel? I'm not sure but I do know Clary said that wouldn't be a worry because there would be another person coming with them.

I don't think Valentine is liking the idea of me talking about my personal life. He is giving me a stare. Why are his eyes completely black... like they've been burned-

You know what? Rest easy, listeners, knowing that this was all just a simple misunderstanding. But now we fully understand everything that is happening, and we are  _not_  misunderstanding anything else at all. We are completely…  _safe_.

Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.


	9. Missing

It takes a heart, a gut, and money to get anything you want. Think wisely.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Hello, listeners.

Unfortunately, I'm starting today's show with sad news. The new station owner – StrexCorp – handed me a Missing Child Alert right as I walked into the studio. StrexCorp is asking Night Vale citizens to be on the lookout for Madzie, age 12. She is described as 5'1, with black hair and skin. She is a wise and brave child and you wouldn't confuse this little one for anyone.

If you know any information about her, please contact StrexCorp **immediately.** Just pick up any phone and talk. You aren't hard to find.

I asked Valentine, who you probably remember being my new supervisor, why it was StrexCorp who was reporting Madzie missing and not her family or even the Sheriff’s Secret Police but he just hummed and told me to just do my job.

Now listeners, listen even more carefully than before. After I reported Madzie, I found a way to make sure only the right people would listen to this. I know it might seem confusing but focus on my words.  _I think StrexCorp also works in the town of our doubles, Desert Bluffs._ Catarina and Alexander have been communicating and she has found herself geographical loop after leaving the Dog Park with the materials the scientists needed.

Geographical loops are complicated yet she knows what she is doing because we've all learned what to do in that situation. Like anyone who grew up in Night Vale, Catarina has been told over and over again what to do if you find yourself in a geographical loop, continually returning to the same place, no matter which direction you run screaming. The first step is to stop running and stop screaming. Doing that rarely helps. Children are also taught this simple memory device so we can remember when running and screaming  _is_  useful. The memory device goes like this:

**Knife.**

But continuing what I was explaining, she has told Alexander that she was on a mountain, which is weird enough because mountains do not exist. After doing what she was taught over and over she reached the top and found a house with an old oak door. She entered the house and saw her mom and her brother, which had been gone for a long time.

But the house she described was exactly like the house that doesn't exist, which Alexander and the other scientist have been working on for the past months or weeks. And this is where things get interesting.

Oh, Valentine is back. Hm...

Let’s go now to the Community Calendar.

On Saturday, there’s a false start. A mistaken understanding of time. We will wake, and walk to our normal places, trying to do our normal life until we realize the day will never start. And then, as suddenly as we false-started, we will begin our actual day. And everything will happen the same. Only, because of our awareness of it all, it will happen differently. Less differently at first, but more differently later.

Sunday will last around 28 hours and it will take foreeeeeeeeeeever to end. And everyone will be glad. The Oscars are on this magical day and we will be able to watch it non-stop.

And we don't have anything big coming the days after that. Just the usual busy and depressive day all of us have. Every day. All day.

An update on our missing child report: We just received word that Madzie is  _not_  missing. This word came from Madzie herself.

Witnesses, as in a very pretty lady who has a very pretty brother who I shall not mention the names, said they saw Madzie standing right in front of them. She clarified that _she has always been where she has been, she has always been from where she is from, and she will always be going where she is going._

As yellow helicopters began to approach her, Madzie shouted to the gathered crowd to stop looking for her and to look for themselves. As the StrexCorp agents tried to reach her, she was gone.

StrexCorp has issued, just moments ago, several  _dozen_ more Missing Child Reports. They say children keep going missing. And they bet that if you find one specific child, one specific, very determined, and difficult child (and they mean that in the best possible way), if you find that one child, you will probably find  _all_  of the missing children.

"If you find Madzie, contact us immediately. She is a missing child. Shouldn't you care about children? I wish you felt the same way and would help us find this…  _child_ ,” StrexCorp stammered, looking slightly agitated.

Alexander left me a voicemail. I will listen to it and give you guys a pick on what happened. But now I take you to the weather.

[ [Peanuts by Sam ‘n Ash](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQFM-54NyRY) ]

Listeners, I've just listened what Alexander sent me and something bad is going on in our precious town. The yellow helicopters are trying to get our children, and for what we know they belong to the corporation that has taken over our city. Ju-just listen what he had to say:

" _Magnus hi, it's Alexander. Some of the scientists and I are currently close to the house that doesn't exist and just noticed that John Peter, you know the farmer, and Catarina are inside the house. We can see them from one of the windows. But they aren't moving. They are staring at something. Don't worry, I will take them for there no matter what happens._

_Wait what? ... Are you serious? M-Magnus... one of the scientists that stayed in the middle of the town, working with some rocks that aren't cooperating with gravity, just called us saying that the yellow helicopters were taking children. She hasn't seen them come back._

_Magnus, I think this is a bigger problem than we originally thought. I hope you're safe. Please have dinner with me after all of this. I know it might seem cruel, especially after everything that I just found out but I need to know that you're ok. Ok and next to me. Please don't get into trouble. I need you."_

Our town will not be taken. And should we wait for heroes to save us? The answer is no. No, we should not.

I wish I could say more than what I'm saying. I wish I could tell you everything. But some things you have to figure out on your own.

I'd better get going and go hug my boyfriend. I still can't believe he is opening up to me so much. Maybe I will learn with him and soon tell you everything I should tell you, dear listeners. Meanwhile, stay in silence and think. Use it carefully.

Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.


End file.
